I choose to be happy

As today is the final day of 2018, I can only hope 2019 starts off better than my 2018 had. 2018 was a rough start losing my grandmother less than 6-month post my brain surgery, like me, she had a brain tumor however it was undiagnosed and was too late when they found it. I head endless ups and downs with my health. One positive thing of 2018 was my first clean scan, showing I was tumor free. I was almost taken back by the good news. Before that appointment, I was telling myself I didn't have another fight in me for another tumor. I didn't think I could do it all over again, many sleepless nights. Then one day I woke up and my attitude changed. God only gives us what we can handle and if it were myself or a child send it my way. I CAN do it, I mentally prepared myself for the appointment expecting to have the tumors returned. When the news was positive I almost didn't know how to respond, I was completely prepared for hell round 2. 2018 I continued to work hard on my health, getting enough sleep, seeing a therapist and trying to bring peace into my life. I hit another roadblock later in 2018 when I was diagnosed with PTSD from the medical trauma, positivity is a powerful thing but I was pushing all my fears, hates, challenges and discouragement into a closet to deal with them later so I can front a smile on my face. Well eventually that closet busted open and I laid there confused and scared to face the facts and what we had gone through for I had never truly acknowledged it. With 2018 behind me I am looking at 2019 with a new lens.

This year I choose to be happy. I'll admit I lost my spark and drive this past year getting discouraged by all the obstacles of my life after brain surgery recovery, struggling to accept the new norm when other said it will one day be as if it had never happened. I kept waiting for the day like it never happened and it didn't come.

Goal setting is much harder for me to set or "resolutions" I struggle to gauge when I will be well enough to complete them so far this year I list a "more and less list" for 2019 to strive to have a better year.