Happy Anniversary..?

Happy Anniversary to me, an odd way to look at it but happy 3rd year anniversary for my brain surgery. Today marks the 3rd year of removing a tumor from my cerebellum; a day that could have taken my life but saved it.

I originally planned on writing a long post about the past 3 year, being that I had been (more) silent on social than the past. However, I have been in a rather weird place; more uncertainty and less clarity on many things, which I thought I was gaining. The pandemic might have placed a bandaid on some of my challenges by allowing me to not feel pressured to go to the grocery store, bars or any large gatherings or public transportation (somethings I haven’t been able to do in years). But the pandemic has caused extra anxiety for me in other areas, not only did I lose my job but I lost my health insurance, the corporate world had an unfair advantage keeping me there, I needed it for affordable health insurance. I always pushed myself back into work quickly for my pride in covering my own medical bills and not taking the time to get well, with or without a paycheck.

With the additional anxiety around COVID-19, I have postponed many doctors’ appointments, scans, and therapy. Being that it was my choice, my doctors have been very supportive on my decisions to delay. Entering a hospital setting is difficult for me, with the increased chance of a virus and the environment energy, I find that it is not a healthy place for me at this time (just writing it out makes my heart race). I know they have taken the proper precautions but I also know the medical professions help me but my body response is very different, my body remembers the ICU even when I recall very little.

On this day I am grateful for the love and support of my friends, family and strangers who have been rooting me on for the past 3 years. I still have much progress to be made, but for today I can smile for I am here and on the path to a full mind and body health. I am grateful for the knowledge I have gained for recovery of trauma and brain.

A reminder to all (including myself), remember forward is forward.