Dear Brain Tumor Erin

Dear Erin,

It will get lonely for quiet awhile, you will see most of your friends once or some not at all. A few will stand out. Be grateful. Your family will be there but it's a lot of work and will get tired, but remember even when the friends disappear and your family is tired they still love you.  

There will be discomfort, pain and frustration. Try to find patience. You're stronger than you think. They said you'll need a walker but you'll prove them all wrong, your drive and determination even though you won't realize, is with you. It never leaves you. 

Find a happy place and go there often. 

You will eat lots of ice cream and watch lots of Ellen TV. Much you will not remember. Days will fly by and others will go by very, very slow. Milo will stay by your side EVERY SECOND. 

There will be times you'll think the whole thing is just a bad dream or an out of body experience from all the fog and dizziness.  

SURGERY DAY; Seconds before you go under, it will all become real. The reality will hit and hit hard, the risk will sink in and you will be uncertain if you will be ok, but only for a moment, a breath. Because right as the shadows engulf you a stranger in scubs will  place his hand on your arm and look you deeper than deep can go in your eyes and tell you he promises you, you will be ok. It'll be the first time you believe it.

Surgery will be 4 hours, you will remember none. You will remember waking up very confused. Dizzy will be your new norm (thank goodness you love'd the teacups at Disney). You will passout when they remove your stitches, you will be ok. For your long hair you will have a shaved spot but hidden the rest.

You will need more help than you have ever needed in your entire life. Your family and boyfriend will help you walk, stand, change, etc. You won't be allowed to be alone for a few weeks- get comfortable with it, you stubborn introvert.

Trust your team, trust your nurses, which you will. Your first night there will be a scare, there will be panic you will remember that among the panic and fear there was a feeling  of peace, you're a fighter. 

The tumor will be benign but the journey will still be a long and difficult. There will be no shortcuts. 

For I can never prepare you enough but I can reassure you to smile for you're a fighter.

Be a fighter and never give up. For your love ones need you, strangers you haven't met yet need you and you will need them. 

From one brain tumor survivor to another, 

Erin